Today was awful. on a lot of levels but I tried so hard to keep a smile on my face. I was dreading floor hockey but also looking forward to it because Dalton was there and I hoped he would help me feel better.. but then I thought he was talking about me when I walked in and when I asked him if he was I believed he wasn’t, but then it sucked to know he didn’t even notice me walk into the room and maybe that’s just me being emotional. I don’t know. & then I got shit from Alex, Lauren, Meredith, & Heather about my hickey and Dalton didn’t say a word so I just had to laugh about it again and think of lies.
That’s why today was awful. I had to think of lies and try not to let phrases like ‘what a slut’ ‘only whores get hickies Jessica’ try not to bother me.
On top of that I worked 7 + hours today and I have a quiz in the morning that I am hoping to God I do OK on.
Am I a little mad at Dalton for giving me a hickey? yeah. I know he didn’t mean to but it has just sucked.
Am I going to talk about giving Jake a hug? No, i’ll explain why. Jake is my friend, and I see him basically never - the last time I saw him was at church, over Christmas break. So almost two months ago. Dalton see’s people I don’t like everyday - he calls people for them off my phone. I got over it and I know he will to. I got over it because I know deep down that Dalton loves me and I know he knows I love him too.
Its fine with me that he hates Jake, because I don’t like some of his friends - but he has to understand that I have known Jake for a long time and I know a side of him very few people do. So while I can agree that Jake is a douche most of the time, I still see the boy who called me crying about Melissa. And maybe it’s my fault for never explaining the Jake I know to Dalton - but I know deep down Jake is a good guy - so no, I’m not going to try to hang out with him on weekends, but when we are in the same room I’m going to acknowledge him. While it would make me so happy if Dalton didn’t acknowledge Bailey when they were in the same room, it would also really make me question the genuine guy I know - I’m not just in love with his personality around me, but how he treats others and his character. If he denied his friends in front of me it would bother me.
I hope that makes sense Dalton. Love you. M&B